Now I’m not saying I’m an expert of love. Maybe I’m expert of being out-of-love. Is that a thing? It is today! Here’s your not-so-expert advice! Love comes in many different shapes and sizes. Some people love their mom, others love their cat, or both! But I would hope the love you have for your furry friend is different for the love you have for your mom. (Yuck)

The type of love I want to focus on today is the intimate love one holds for their other half.
It has always been my belief since a young age that love is part involuntary emotion and part choice. The emotional aspect or as I like to refer to it as: the lame stuff comes almost immediately. Y’know that lame old shit where you get stupid butterflies and rosey cheeks and all that kindergarten BS.  Okay so you’re emotional towards someone. What’s next?

The choice is next. Here’s the part where your effort and your heart truly comes into play. You make the deliberate decision to love the person you’re with. You gotta damn well do the thing that makes you fall into love and you keep on doing it. If you’re in love with her laugh, it’s your job to keep her laughing. If you’re in love with her smell, you breathe her in daily. Effort and loving someone is a choice. You choose to do the thing that keeps you in love. If you stop doing the thing? Guess what? Your relationship crumbles and oh look Sally’s banging the next broad in line because you let yourself fall out of love.

“But Des, what happens if the emotions start to fade?” Ah, my friend. The emotions that were once there will continue to surface as long as you’re putting in your efforts. Say you’re in love with your girls smell. Maybe she smells like some sexy perfume and it gets you all worked up.. your heart starts pounding, your hands start to sweat. Okay, so on her birthday or for Christmas, you buy her the perfume and keep breathing it in. It’s not really rocket science unless you make it that way.

In order to stay in love you need to do the thing that keeps you falling in love or you’ll be hooped. 

Here’s 5 hilarious tips on remaining in love/not fucking it up/not moving too fast/ okay they’re just funny things I want to write.
(This from a complete relationship failure.. you’re welcome!) :


1. Spontaneously touch her boobs. Bitches love boob touching.
I’m kidding. Kinda. Touch her boobs but y’know do it with love in your eyes. Let the emotions flow through you. (Easy, tiger)

2. Keep them on their toes- tell them you love them on the first date!
Don’t fucking do this. Don’t be dumb now. This is a huge mistake hahahaha… ha. Embarassing.

3. Do the thing, to do the thing.. 
Grasp the concept of love right away by also grasping her butt. Butt touching is an intimate love affair. Warning: spontaneous ass smacking may leave you with a bruised face or ball, just saying.

4. Throw food into her mouth when she’s not looking.
This is a guarantee for boom town. Women love when you randomly fill their stomachs..
(I’ll just leave that there… LOL)

5. Pull her off the bed mid sleep.
This is a surefire winner winner.  You know, most women really love being woken up and thrown to the floor. It’s like a inanimate aphrodisiac.